Real Talk Blog

So the last week has not been to bad. A little frustrating at times but whats to expect when you are struggling to lose the 160 pounds of extra weight that you put on after life kicked you are and down. Depression and the need for constant comfort from food and drinks can be a mofo.

I joined lose it. I did pay the $39.00 for the year. It is a pretty cool little app. It has helped me lose 8 pound in this short time. I bought an iWatch and have been pushing to meet my circles daily! So more activity yay! I have been 7 days with no soda. Surprisingly until yesterday I didn’t have much of a struggle. I purchased a Cirkul water bottle the starter kit was $5 so cant beat that right? It has helped me through today as I was so tired of drinking plain water! It is actually pretty good and made my day a lot easier!

So the struggle to make healthier eating choices has not been no walk in the park. But I am loaded with veggies, fish, chicken. I have thrown out all junk food. Because I have no self control probably best just to not have these items around right?! They are not here and I am not as tempted to have them for sure! I do have some red meats but I plan to eat those only sometimes. So I will blog again in a week unless something else comes up that I need to through in there! Have a great week! God bless!

So today was full of emotions. I am in this pit and I have to come out. I wrote quite a bit about why I am doing this in the about me section. I got out of the house for the first time in a long time. I started the Lose It app, (weight loss) which I am currently 1300 under my daily calories. I got in a 30 minute walk. I set up many needed appointments. Honestly my anxiety was through the roof and I pushed through it all anyways! My apple watch has a breathing app and well I had to use that quite a few times!…… The world that I have been keeping myself from looks so much bigger than I remember. That may sound silly to some but some will completely get it.

On my outing today I got food prep trays and many healthy food options. My hopes is to lose at least 2 pounds a week as the Lose it app has configured 2 pounds a week taking in 2,200 calories. With little movement. Although my plan is to exercise regularly. So looking forward to seeing weigh in day what that scale says! I bought 2 setinsoul journals which I will also start today along with this blog! I filled out the application for Columbia college! Since this is where I have attended school in the past and I only have 7 credit hours left to get its time. I just plan on taking steps and feeling hopeful that everything will come together!

With all that being said, It sure would be nice to have others who are struggling with some of these same things and just needs motivation or support please follow the blog comment and lets help each other!

As a child I was raised by two drug addicted parents. We were poor even though my father sold drugs well he wasn’t ever around. He sold drugs more so to support his habit and of course that was in small time frames when he wasn’t in prison. I suffered emotional, mental, physical and sexual abuse along the way. I became what I was raised and new. I started at 12 selling weed that didn’t last long I turned into a full time sold every drug; drug dealer and was also involved in a prostitution ring. I was in and out of jail. A high school drop out. I was turing into everyone I had known and was raised by.

I started to look for something different. There had to be more to life than this right? Of course. I met the man who would soon become my husband. He wasn’t really my type but hey I was looking for change and different right? I found God. My husband didn’t like this at all but I was searching for something more. Something bigger. After giving my life to God, I was no longer a drug dealer or involved in anything illegal or that brought conviction up on me. I went back and got my GED and I was a college student! In 2011 out of no where I was frozen in panic, I was battling anxiety daily. My once perfect in my eyes husband was abusive. Only now I had lost my back bone. That once confident bold people loving people person was all opposite of that. I divorced my husband who was sitting in prison he was looking at 28 years that a long story for another time. There were many other losses and things going on in my life. To make a long story shorter and get to the point. Since then I have isolated myself from the world. I pretty much spend/spent all my time in my house.

I woke up and I said this is it. Today is the day I do something different. I have been isolated for about 6 years. The current things once used for comfort sometimes become monsters in my life. I am completely broken down and in a pit that I am so ready to crawl out of it! I am 330 pounds. I barely leave my house for any reason at all. So this is like for the purpose of my own accountability as well as maybe finding people who struggle with the same things as me and or people who don’t struggle like me but find some sort of motivation or support team!

I will be working on losing the weight. Getting back into college I have 7 classes left before I have my degree! I will be working on getting out of the house more. Talking more openly about my feelings thoughts and struggles! This blog I pray is going to be my self help!